The Science Behind Dramatically Better Conversations | Charles Duhigg | TED · TED
查尔斯·杜赫иг分享提问技巧，如何通过提问建立深度连接。适合练习沟通与提问技巧，提升对话质量。
So I'm going to ask you to participate in an experiment, which is that when you leave this room,
那么，我请求你们参与一个实验：当你们离开这个房间时……
when you go out into the world,
当你踏入这个广阔的世界时……
today, tomorrow, whenever you feel like it, I'd like you to ask and answer one question of someone who's a stranger.
今天、明天，或者任何你愿意的时候，我都希望你能向一个陌生人提出一个问题，并得到他们的回答。
You might meet them on the bus or walking down the street.
你可能会在公交车上或走在街上时遇到他们。
And I'm going to show you the question that I'm going to ask you to ask and answer.
接下来，我会向你们展示那个问题——我会要求你们去提出这个问题并给出答案。
The question is: When was the last time you cried in front of someone?
问题是：你上一次在别人面前哭泣是什么时候？
Now just out of curiosity, how many of you are really excited about this experiment?
只是出于好奇，你们当中有多少人真的对这项实验感到兴奋呢？
No hands went up whatsoever.
没有人举手。
And that makes sense, right?
这确实很有道理，对吧？
Because, like, there can be nothing that seems more intimidating
因为，真的没有什么比这更令人畏惧的了……
or less fun than finding a stranger,
或者说不如遇到一个陌生人那么有趣（即：找陌生人的过程可能更有趣）。
asking them when they've cried in front of someone else, and then telling them about the time you cried in front of someone else.
问他们什么时候在别人面前哭过，然后告诉他们你自己也在别人面前哭过的经历。
But I'm going to try and convince you over the next few minutes that this experiment is not only worth doing,
但在接下来的几分钟里，我会尽力说服你们：这个实验不仅值得去做，而且其结果也非常有意义。
it’s worth doing whenever you can.
只要有机会，就值得去做这件事。
Because it will make your life better.
因为这会让你的生活变得更好。
And to explain how I got to this, I have to tell you a little bit of a story about me and my wife.
为了说明我是怎么走到这一步的，我必须给你们讲一个关于我和我妻子的故事。
A few years ago, we got into this bad pattern.
几年前，我们陷入了这种不良的循环（或：陷入了这种糟糕的境地）。
We've been married for 20 years, but I would come home from a long day at the office.
我们结婚已经20年了，但每次从办公室长时间的工作中回到家后……
I was a reporter at "The New York Times" at that point, and I would start complaining about my day,
那时我在《纽约时报》担任记者，我总是开始抱怨自己这一天过得有多糟糕。
about how I'm not appreciated enough.
关于我如何觉得自己没有得到足够的认可（或重视）。
And my wife, very reasonably, would offer me some great advice.
而我妻子也会非常理智地给我一些建议。
She would say something like, “Why don’t you take your boss out to lunch,
她可能会说这样的话：“你为什么不带你老板出去吃午饭呢？
and you guys can get to know each other a little bit better?"
那么大家能不能更好地互相了解一下呢？
And instead of being able to hear her, I would get even more upset.
而我却无法听到她的声音，这只会让我更加沮丧。
I would say things like, "Why aren't you supporting me?
我会说这样的话：“你为什么不支持我呢？
You should be outraged on my behalf."
你们应该为我感到愤怒。
And she would get upset because I was attacking her for giving me good advice.
她会因此感到不高兴，因为我觉得她在给我提好建议的同时，其实是在“攻击”我。
Anyone ever had an experience like this?
有人有过类似的经历吗？
It was not a good situation.
这确实不是一个好的局面。
And so I started talking to researchers who were studying communication.
于是，我开始与那些研究沟通领域的研究人员交流。
I asked them, why am I getting into this pattern?
我问他们：“为什么我会陷入这种模式呢？
And they said, "You're making a mistake."
他们说：“你犯了一个错误。
We're living through this golden age of understanding communication, really for the first time because of advances in neural imaging and data collection.
我们正生活在这样一个理解人类交流方式的“黄金时代”——这确实是我们有史以来第一次能够如此深入地理解交流的本质。这一切都得益于神经成像技术和数据收集方法的进步。
And they said, one of the big things that we've learned is that we tend to think of a discussion as being just one conversation, right?
他们说：“我们学到的一个重要道理是：我们往往认为一场讨论就只是一次普通的对话而已，对吧？
We're talking about one thing, my day, or the kids' grades, what to have for dinner.
我们谈论的其实都是些日常琐事：比如我今天的一天过得怎么样、孩子们的成绩如何，以及晚餐该吃什么。
But what they said is that actually, each discussion contains many different conversations.
但他们所说的是，实际上每次讨论都包含许多不同的对话内容。
And in general, these conversations tend to fall into one of three buckets.
一般来说，这些对话往往会归入以下三类之一。
There's these practical conversations, where we're talking about what's this all about.
我们会进行一些实际的对话，探讨这一切到底是怎么回事。
What are we really discussing?
我们到底在讨论什么？
But then there's emotional conversations where we're talking about how do we feel.
不过，也有一些情感交流的场合，我们会谈论自己的感受。