How to talk to the worst parts of yourself | Karen Faith | TEDxKC · TEDx Talks
Karen Faith分享如何与内心不同部分和平相处，适合练习自我对话和情绪管理。通过焦点小组主持经验，她学会了接纳自己，鼓励大家与内心的矛盾和解。
Transcriber: Anggiasti R W Reviewer: Zsófia Herczeg
转录者：Anggiasti R W 审稿人：Zsófia Herczeg
It isn’t true what they say, that you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.
他们说的“在爱自己之前，你无法爱别人”这种话并不正确。
Have you heard that?
你听说那个消息了吗？
People say you have to learn to love yourself before you can love anybody else.
人们常说，在能够爱上别人之前，你必须先学会爱自己。
But it’s not true.
但这并不是事实。
I loved everybody before I loved myself.
在我爱上自己之前，我先爱上了每一个人。
Love doesn’t care which way you come or what state you’re in when you get here.
爱情并不在乎你是从哪个方向走来的，也不在乎你来到这里时处于什么样的状态。
Love welcomes everyone unconditionally.
爱无条件地接纳每一个人。
Oddly, so do focus group moderators -
奇怪的是，焦点小组的主持人也是如此。
which is how and why I learned to do it.
这就是我学会如何做这件事，以及为什么学会它的原因。
If you’ve never been a part of a focus group, you’re missing a really special cultural experience.
如果你从未参加过焦点小组讨论，那你其实错过了一次非常特别的文化体验。
So, in every focus group, there’s a range of characters, right?
那么，在每个焦点小组中，都会有一群不同类型的人，对吧？
There’s always a shy one and a chatty one, a grumpy one that doesn’t want to do any of the exercises,
总会有一个害羞的人，一个爱说话的人，还有一个脾气暴躁的人——这个人根本不想做任何锻炼。
and a very excited mom with a notebook, who wants to get an A plus in all of the exercises.
还有一位非常兴奋的妈妈，她手里拿着一本笔记本，希望自己在所有的练习题中都能取得“A+”的成绩。
There’s a student who lied on the intake because they need the money, and a dad full of jokes who can’t read the room.
有个学生在入学申请时撒了谎，因为他们急需这笔钱；还有一个总爱开玩笑、却完全不懂如何观察周围氛围的父亲。
And usually,
而且通常情况下，
there’s one ex-military guy who keeps staring at the two-way mirror suspiciously.
有个前军人，他一直怀疑地盯着那面双向镜看。
It’s a situation where a group of people that may not otherwise ever meet have the chance to share their perspectives.
在这种情况下，一群平时可能永远不会见面的人有机会分享彼此的观点和看法。
And it’s my job as the moderator to make sure that they all get heard.
作为主持人，我的职责就是确保每个人的意见都能被听到。
Now, it’s not quite a classroom.
不过，这其实算不上一个真正的教室。
It’s not group therapy.
这并不是团体治疗。
And while the community feel has some elements of holiness, probably no one would call it a spiritual experience.
虽然这种社区氛围中确实蕴含着某种“神圣感”的元素，但恐怕没有人会将其称为一种“精神体验”。
I mean, no one else.
我的意思是，除了那个人之外，没有其他人了。
Because moderating rooms of strange and difficult voices is what taught me to welcome all the strange and difficult parts of myself.
正是因为负责管理那些充满各种奇怪、刺耳声音的聊天室，我才学会了接纳自己身上所有那些“奇怪”或“难以接受”的部分。
No kidding.
真的，不开玩笑。
I start every morning meditation with the same opener I use as a focus group moderator:
我每天早上都会以同一个开场白开始冥想练习；这个开场白也是我在主持焦点小组讨论时使用的。
“Thanks, everyone, for being here.”
谢谢大家能来到这里。
“Your input is valued.”
您的意见对我们非常重要。
“I’m going to hear from each of you.
我会逐一听取你们的意见。
I’ll give you all the chance to speak.
我会给你们所有人机会来发言。
Just do your best to be completely present, honest, and try to make any requests reasonable.”
只要尽你最大的努力，全神贯注地参与讨论，保持诚实，并尽量使你的任何请求都合理即可。
So I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of me in here, in the mind of Karen Faith.
我不知道你们怎么想，但在凯伦·费思（Karen Faith）的思维世界里，像我这样的人其实有很多。
I’m not referring to psychiatric illness specifically, but I don’t exclude that.
我这里所说的并不特指精神疾病，不过我也不排除这种可能性。
My mind has plenty of quirks, but what I have to share is for anyone with an inner dialogue.
我的思维方式确实有些奇特之处，但我真正想分享的，是那些经常与自己内心对话的人所共有的体验。
Though I admit, it’s especially for those of us with a really noisy one.
不过我得承认，这个方法尤其适合那些家中有非常吵闹的宠物（或设备）的人。
So I noticed some time ago that I was arguing with myself.
不久前我注意到，自己竟然在和自己争论。
And then I wondered: If I didn’t agree with me, who is I, and who is me in that scenario?
然后我想：如果我连自己都无法认同，那我到底是谁？在那种情况下，我又是什么样的人呢？
And it turned out that there are quite a few of me.
结果发现，像我这样的人其实相当多。
There’s a really sentimental, emotional me, an intellectual, analytical me.
我既有非常感性、充满情感的一面，也有理性、善于分析的一面。
Those two argue a lot.
那两个人经常吵架。