Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED · TED
Celeste Headlee分享10条改善对话的实用规则，强调倾听与沟通的重要性。适合练习对话技巧、人际交往及有效沟通。
All right, I want to see a show of hands:
好的，我想让大家举手示意一下。
how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion,
在你们当中，有多少人因为别人在 Facebook 上说了关于政治或宗教的冒犯性言论而将对方从好友列表中删除了？
childcare, food?
儿童保育服务、食物？
And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don't want to talk to them?
在你们当中，有多少人至少认识一个人，因为你们根本不想和他们说话，所以会刻意避开他们呢？
You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation,
你知道吗，过去人们认为要想进行一场礼貌的对话，
we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady": Stick to the weather and your health.
我们只需要遵循《窈窕淑女》中亨利·希金斯给出的建议：顺应天气变化，注意自己的健康状况即可。
But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
但如今，由于气候变化和反疫苗接种运动的影响，这些话题……
are not safe either.
这些地方也不安全。
So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument,
我们所生活的这个世界，每一个对话都有可能演变成争论……
where our politicians can't speak to one another and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it,
在我们的国家里，政客们彼此之间无法进行坦诚的对话；即便是最微不足道的问题，也会有人为之激烈地争论不休——有人支持，也有人反对。
it's not normal.
这并不正常。
Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized,
皮尤研究中心对1万名美国成年人进行了调查，结果发现：目前美国社会的意见分歧正在加剧（即人们的分化程度越来越高）。
we are more divided, than we ever have been in history.
我们之间的分歧比历史上任何时候都要严重。
We're less likely to compromise, which means we're not listening to each other.
我们不太愿意做出妥协，这意味着我们没有在互相倾听对方的想法或意见。
And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be,
我们会决定自己应该住在哪里、与谁结婚，甚至选择哪些人作为自己的朋友。
based on what we already believe.
基于我们目前已经相信的事实（或观点）。
Again, that means we're not listening to each other.
这再次表明，我们并没有真正去倾听对方的意见。
A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.
交谈需要说话与倾听之间的平衡；而在这个过程中，我们失去了这种平衡。
Now, part of that is due to technology.
现在，其中一部分原因确实归功于技术的发展。
The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly.
这些智能手机，要么已经握在你们手中，要么就放在离你们很近的地方，可以随时迅速拿起来使用。
According to Pew Research, about a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day.
根据皮尤研究中心（Pew Research）的数据，大约三分之一的美国青少年每天会发送超过一百条短信。
And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face.
他们中的许多人（几乎可以说是大多数）更倾向于给朋友发短信，而不是与他们当面交谈。
There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
《大西洋月刊》上有一篇非常精彩的文章。
It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell.
这本书是由一位名叫保罗·巴恩韦尔的高中教师撰写的。
And he gave his kids a communication project.
他给自己的孩子们布置了一个关于沟通能力培养的项目。
He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes.
他希望教会他们如何在不使用笔记的情况下就某个特定主题进行演讲。
And he said this: “I came to realize...”
他说：“我逐渐意识到……
"I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
我逐渐意识到：对话能力可能是我们最容易忽视、也最未能有效传授的技能。
Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills.
孩子们每天都要花数小时通过屏幕与各种信息或他人进行互动，但他们很少有机会锻炼自己的人际沟通能力。
It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent,
这个问题听起来可能有点奇怪，但我们必须问问自己：在21世纪，还有哪种技能比“能够持续地、连贯地表达自己的观点”更重要呢？
confident conversation?"
这是一种充满自信的对话吗？
Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.
我的工作就是与人交谈——无论是诺贝尔奖得主、卡车司机、亿万富翁、幼儿园老师、国家元首，还是水管工。
I talk to people that I like.
我会和我喜欢的人交谈。
I talk to people that I don’t like.
我会和那些我不喜欢的人交谈。
I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.
我会和一些在个人观点上与我存在严重分歧的人交谈。
But I still have a great conversation with them.
不过我和他们仍然能够进行非常愉快的交谈。
So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.
接下来，我想用大约10分钟的时间来教你们如何说话以及如何倾听。
Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye,
在座的许多人可能已经听过很多关于这方面的建议了，比如要直视对方的眼睛等等。
think of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're paying attention,
提前想好一些有趣的话题来讨论；在对方讲话时，注视对方、点头并微笑，以表示你在认真倾听。
repeat back what you just heard or summarize it.
请复述一下你刚刚听到的内容，或者对其进行总结。