How to Raise Successful Kids -- Without Over-Parenting | Julie Lythcott-Haims | TED · TED
Julie Lythcott-Haims指出过度育儿会阻碍孩子自我发展，强调父母应给予无条件的爱而非追求完美成绩和成就。适合练习英语听力与口语表达。
You know, I didn't set out to be a parenting expert.
你知道吗，我当初并没有打算成为一名育儿专家的。
In fact, I'm not very interested in parenting, per Se.
事实上，我对育儿本身并不是很感兴趣。
It's just that there's a certain style of parenting these days that is kind of messing up kids,
只是如今有一种特定的育儿方式，似乎正在对孩子们产生不良影响。
impeding their chances to develop into theirselves.
这会阻碍他们成长为独立个体的机会。
There's a certain style of parenting these days that's getting in the way.
如今，有一种特定的育儿方式正在妨碍孩子们的健康成长（或：这种育儿方式正在对孩子的成长产生负面影响）。
I guess what I'm saying is, we spend a lot of time being very concerned
我想我想说的是：我们花费了大量时间去为各种事情感到焦虑（或：我们花费了大量时间去过度担忧）。
about parents who aren't involved enough in the lives of their kids and their education or their upbringing,
关于那些在孩子的生活中、教育或成长过程中投入不足的父母……
and rightly so.
确实如此。
But at the other end of the spectrum, there's a lot of harm going on there as well,
但在光谱的另一端，也存在着许多危害。
where parents feel a kid can't be successful unless the parent is protecting and preventing at every turn and hovering over every happening,
在这种环境下，父母认为孩子无法取得成功，除非父母时刻保护孩子、防止各种不利因素的发生，并对孩子的每一件事都进行干涉（即“寸步不离”地陪伴在孩子身边）。
and micromanaging every moment, and steering their kid towards some small subset of colleges and careers.
他们试图对孩子的每一个行为都进行微观管理，将孩子引导到特定的几所大学或职业方向上。
When we raise kids this way, and I'll say we, because Lord knows, in raising my two teenagers,
当我们以这种方式养育孩子时（我之所以用“我们”来指代整个过程，是因为天知道，在养育我的两个青少年的过程中，确实需要全家人的共同努力……），
I've had these tendencies myself, our kids end up leading a kind of checklisted childhood.
我自己也有类似的倾向；结果我们的孩子们过上了类似“按清单行事”的童年生活——他们必须按照既定的步骤和规则来完成各种任务。
And here's what the checklisted childhood looks like.
以下就是那些被列入清单中的“理想童年”应该具备的样子。
We keep them safe and sound and fed and watered, and then we want to be sure they go to the right schools,
我们确保它们安全、健康，同时为它们提供食物和水；之后，我们还想确保它们能够进入合适的学校。
that they're in the right classes at the right schools, and that they get the right grades in the right classes in the right schools.
他们就读于合适的学校、合适的班级，并且在这些班级里取得了相应的成绩。
But not just the grades, the scores, and not just the grades and scores, but the accolades and the awards and the sports,
但不仅仅是成绩和分数，还包括各种荣誉、奖项以及体育方面的成就。
the activities, the leadership.
这些活动，以及相关的领导工作。
We tell our kids, don't just join a club, start a club, because colleges want to see that.
我们告诉孩子们：不要只是加入某个俱乐部，而应该自己创办一个俱乐部，因为大学非常看重这一点。
And check the box for community service.
请勾选“社区服务”这一选项。
I mean, show the colleges you care about others.
我的意思是，要让那些你心仪的大学看到你关心他人的态度。
And all of this is done to some hoped-for degree of perfection.
所有这些工作都是为了达到某种期望中的完美程度而完成的。
We expect our kids to perform at a level of perfection we were never asked to perform at ourselves,
我们期望自己的孩子能够达到完美的标准；然而，我们自己却从未被要求达到那样的标准。
and so because so much is required,
正因为需要做的事情太多，
we think, well then, of course we parents have to argue with every teacher
我们想，作为父母，当然有必要和每一位老师进行沟通（或：当然得和每一位老师争论一下）。
and principal and coach and referee and act like our kid's concierge and personal handler
既要担任家长，又要兼任教练、裁判；还要像我们孩子的贴身管家一样，全方位照顾他们的日常生活。
and secretary.
以及秘书。
And then with our kids, our precious kids, we spend so much time nudging, cajoling, hinting, helping, haggling,
然后，对于我们的孩子——我们那些珍贵的孩子，我们会花费大量的时间去引导他们、劝说他们、暗示他们、帮助他们，甚至和他们讨价还价……
nagging as the case may be, to be sure they're not screwing up, not closing doors, not ruining their future,
尽管这种唠叨可能会让人感到烦躁，但这样做至少可以确保他们不会犯错、不会做出愚蠢的决定（比如关上门），也不会毁掉自己的未来。
some hoped-for admission to a tiny handful of colleges that deny almost every applicant.
有些人原本希望被少数几所几乎拒绝所有申请者的大学录取。
And here's what it feels like to be a kid in this checklisted childhood.
这就是在这种被严格规定、按清单执行的童年中生活的孩子的感受。
First of all, there's no time for free play.
首先，根本没有时间进行自由玩耍（或：没有时间用于非正式的娱乐活动）。
There's no room in the afternoons, because everything has to be enriching, we think.
我们认为，下午的时间非常宝贵，因为所有活动都必须具有教育意义（即能够帮助人们学到新东西）。
It's as if every piece of homework, every quiz, every activity is a make-or-break moment for this future we have in mind for them,
仿佛每一份作业、每一次小测验、每一项活动，都是决定他们未来命运的关键时刻。
and we absolve them of helping out around the house,
我们也免除他们在家中帮忙的职责。
and we even absolve them of getting enough sleep as long as they're checking off the items on their checklist.
只要他们完成了清单上的各项任务，我们甚至会免除他们保证充足睡眠的责任。
And in the checklisted childhood, we say we just want them to be happy, but when they come home from school,
在那些被严格规划、按清单执行的童年生活中，我们总说只是希望孩子们能够快乐；然而当他们放学回家后……
what we ask about all too often first is their homework and their grades.
我们往往首先询问的是他们的作业完成情况以及考试成绩。
And they see in our faces that our approval, that our love, that their very worth, comes from A's.
他们从我们的脸上看到：我们的认可、我们的爱，以及他们自身的价值，都源自那些“A”（优秀的表现）。
And then we walk alongside them and offer clucking praise like a trainer at the Westminster Dog Show --
然后我们走在它们旁边，像威斯敏斯特犬展上的驯犬师一样，用赞美的话语来鼓励它们（比如“咯咯”地叫着表示赞赏）。