The difference between healthy and unhealthy love | Katie Hood | TED · TED
Katie Hood分享了健康关系的五大迹象，帮助识别不健康的关系模式，并提供日常改善爱的方式。适合练习情感与沟通技能。
So when you think about a child, a close friend, or a romantic partner, the word "love" probably comes to mind,
因此，当你想到一个孩子、一个亲密的朋友或一个恋人时，脑海中很可能会浮现出“爱”这个词。
and instantly other emotions rush in: joy and hope, excitement, trust and security, and yes, sometimes sadness and disappointment.
瞬间，其他情绪也会涌上心头：喜悦与希望、兴奋与信任、安全感……当然，有时也会感到悲伤与失望。
There might not be a word in the dictionary that more of us are connected to than love.
在字典中，恐怕没有哪个词能像“爱”那样让我们所有人产生如此强烈的共鸣（或者说，没有哪个词能像“爱”那样深刻地体现我们彼此之间的联系）。
Yet, given its central importance in our lives, isn't it interesting that we're never explicitly taught how to love?
然而，考虑到爱在我们生活中的核心地位，难道不奇怪吗？我们从来都没有被明确地教导过该如何去爱。
We build friendships, navigate early romantic relationships, get married and bring babies home from the hospital with the expectation that we'll figure it out.
我们建立友谊，处理早期的恋爱关系，结婚生子，然后带着婴儿从医院回家——同时都相信自己能够顺利应对生活中的一切挑战。
But the truth is, we often harm and disrespect the ones we love.
但事实是，我们常常伤害那些我们爱的人，也不尊重他们。
It can be subtle things like guilting a friend into spending time with you
这些可能是一些微妙的行为，比如让朋友感到内疚，从而迫使他们陪你一起度过时间。
or sneaking a peak at your partner's texts or shaming a child for their lack of effort at school.
或者偷偷查看伴侣的手机短信；又或者因为孩子在学校里不够用功而责备他们。
100 percent of us will be on the receiving end of unhealthy relationship behaviors and 100 percent of us will do unhealthy things.
我们所有人都可能会成为那些不健康恋爱行为的影响对象；同时，我们所有人也都有可能做出一些不健康的行为。
It's part of being human.
这是人类本性的一部分。
In its worst form, the harm we inflict on loved ones
在最糟糕的情况下，我们对所爱的人造成的伤害……
shows up as abuse and violence, and relationship abuse is something that one in three women and one in four men will experience in their lifetime.
这些行为通常表现为虐待和暴力；据统计，每三名女性中就有一人、每四名男性中就有一人会在其一生中遭遇伴侣虐待。
Now, if you're like most people, when you hear those stats, you'll go, "Oh, no, no, no, that would never happen to me."
现在，如果你和大多数人一样，听到这些数据时，你可能会想：“哦，不，那绝对不会发生在我身上。
It's instinctual to move away from the words "abuse" and "violence," to think that they happen to someone else somewhere else.
人们会本能地想要避开“虐待”和“暴力”这些词汇，认为这些事情只会发生在别人身上、别的地方。
But the truth is, unhealthy relationships and abuse are all around us.
但事实是，不健康的人际关系和虐待行为其实无处不在。
We just call them different things and ignore the connection.
我们只是用不同的名称来称呼它们，而忽略了它们之间的内在联系。
Abuse sneaks up on us disguised in unhealthy love.
虐待往往以“不健康的爱情”为伪装，悄悄地降临到我们身上。
I work for an organization called One Love started by a family whose daughter Yeardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend.
我效力于一个名为“One Love”的组织。该组织由一个家庭创立，他们的女儿耶尔德利（Yardley）被她的前男友杀害。
This was a tragedy no one saw coming,
这是一场没有人预料到的悲剧。
but when they looked back, they realized the warning signs were there just no one understood what they were seeing.
但当他们回过头来时，才意识到那些警告信号其实早就存在了，只是没有人能够理解那些信号所代表的含义。
Called crazy or drama or too much drinking, his actions weren't understood to be what they really were,
人们称他的行为为“疯狂”、“小题大做”或“酗酒过度”，但并没有真正理解他的行为背后的真实含义。
which was clear signs of danger.
这些都是明显的危险信号。
Her family realized that if anyone had been educated about these signs, her death could have been prevented.
她的家人意识到：如果有人能够了解这些危险信号的相关知识，她的死亡或许是可以避免的。
So today we're on a mission to make sure that others have the information that Yeardley and her friends didn't.
因此，今天我们的任务就是确保其他人能够获得那些 Yeardley 和她的朋友们所没有的信息。
We have three main goals: give all of us a language for talking about a subject that's quite awkward and uncomfortable to discuss;
我们主要有三个目标：为所有人提供一种语言，以便能够讨论那些令人感到尴尬或不适的话题。
empower a whole front line, namely friends, to help; and, in the process, improve all of our ability to love better.
赋予整个前线（也就是我们的朋友们）提供帮助的能力；同时，在这个过程中，提升我们所有人更好地去爱的能力。
To do this, it's always important to start by illuminating
要做到这一点，首先重要的是要弄清楚（相关的情况或问题）。
the unhealthy signs that we frequently miss, and our work really focuses on creating content to start conversations with young people.
那些我们常常忽视的、表明身体不健康的迹象；我们的工作重点在于创作相关内容，以引发与年轻人的对话。
As you'd expect, most of our content is pretty serious,
正如您所预料的那样，我们的大部分内容都相当严肃。
given the subject at hand, but today I'm going to use one of our more light-hearted yet still thought-provoking pieces,
考虑到我们今天要讨论的主题，不过今天我会选用我们作品中那些较为轻松诙谐、同时又引人深思的作品之一。
"The Couplets," to illuminate five markers of unhealthy love.
《对联集》旨在揭示五种不健康爱情的典型特征。
The first is intensity.
首先是强度（intensity）。
Blue: I haven't seen you in a couple days.
蓝色：好几天没见到你了。
I've missed you.
我想你了。
Orange: I've missed you too.
Orange：我也想你了。
Blue: I haven't seen you in five minutes.
蓝色：我已经五分钟没见到你了。
It feels like a lifetime.
感觉就像过了很长很长时间一样。
What have you been doing without me for five whole minutes?
我不在你的身边整整五分钟，你都做了些什么呢？
Orange: It's been three minutes.
橙子：已经过去三分钟了。
Katie Hood: Anybody recognize that?
凯蒂·胡德：有人认出那个东西吗？